CMT news?

Hey, I'm back. I was thinking for awhile of shooting myself in the head, or at least stop blogging, but then I saw this. Van Morrison on my Country Music News? Hey ain't country. I mean his latest "Pay the Devil", on the Lost Highway label - good title, but... Listen, there really are only a few kinds true country. You got truckers, shuckers and motherfuckers. Van Morrison? His brother Jim was more country:

Riders on the storm
Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out alone
Riders on the storm

There’s a killer on the road
His brain is squirmin’ like a toad
Take a long holiday
Let your children play
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the road, yeah

Girl ya gotta love your man
Girl ya gotta love your man
Take him by the hand
Make him understand
The world on you depends
Our life will never end
Gotta love your man, yeah

Riders on the storm
Riders on the storm
Into this house we’re born
Into this world we’re thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out alone
Riders on the storm

Conway said, “A good country song takes a page out of somebody's life and puts it to music.”

I guess VM did write a song about a horse:

Slim slow slider
Horse you ride
White as snow
Slim slow slider
Horse you ride
Is white as snow
Tell it everywhere you go
Saw you walking
Down by Ladbroke Grove this morning
Saw you walking
Down by Ladbroke Grove this morning
Catching pebbles for some sandy beach
You're out of reach
Saw you early this morning
With your brand new boy and your Cadillac
Saw you early this morning
With your brand new boy and your Cadillac
You're gone for something
And I know you won't be back
I know you're dying, baby
And I know you know it, too
I know you're dying
And I know you know it, too
Everytime I see you
I just don't know what to do

Actually I don't know what the hell that's about. Now here is a song that tells a story:

Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck
You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon

Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure
By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon

Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 Pig-Pen,
Yeah, we definitely got us the front door good buddy,
Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy

Was the dark of the moon, on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth, pullin' logs
Cabover Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs
We 'as headin' fer bear on I-One-Oh
'Bout a mile outta Shaky-Town
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck
An' I'm about to put the hammer on down

Cause we gotta little ol' convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta little ol' convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, breaker Pig-Pen, this here's The Duck
Uh, you wanna back off them hogs
10-4, 'bout five mile or so, 10-roger
Them hogs is gittin' in-tense up here

By the time we got into Tulsa-Town
We had eighty-five trucks in all
But they's a road block up on the clover leaf
An' them bears 'as wall to wall
Yeah them smokies 'as thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a bear-in-the-air
I sez callin' all trucks, this here's The Duck
We about to go a huntin' bear

Cause we gotta great big convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Pig-Pen?
Uh, negatory Pig-Pen, yer still too close
Yeah, them hogs is startin' close up my sinuses
Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten

Well we rolled up interstate fourty-four
Like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all a our swindle sheets
An' left 'em settin' on the scales
By the time we hit that Chi-Town
Them bears was a gittin' smart
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois National Guard
There 'as armored cars, and tanks, and Jeeps
An' rigs of every size
Yeah them chicken coops 'as full a bears
An' choppers filled the skies
Well we shot the line, an' we went for broke
With a thousand screamin' trucks
And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus
In a chartreusse microbus

Hey Sod Buster, listen
You wanna put that microbus in behind the suicide jockey?
Yeah, he's haulin dynamite
He needs all the help he can git

Well we laid a strip fer the Jersey Shore
An' prepared to cross the line
I could see the bridge 'as lined with bears
But I didn't have a doggone dime
I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck
We just ain't a gonna pay no toll
So we crashed the gate doin' ninety-eight
I sez, let them truckers roll, 10-4

Cause we gotta mighty convoy, rockin' through the night
Yeah we gotta mighty convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA
Convoy... Convoy...

Uh, 10-4 Pig-Pen, what's yer 20?
Omaha?!
Well they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer sure
Well mercy sakes alive good buddy
We gonna back on outta here
So keep the bugs off yer glass
An' the bears off yer... tail
We gonna catch ya on the flip-flop
This here's the Rubber Duck on the side
We gone
Bye, Bye...

Notice the word "git". That's authentic.

Still More Tanya

Ok, so I was flippin' channels last night. I'm back at the Ranch now - turistas started rambling back into New Orleans, so I thought it was time to leave. A guy can only stand so much T&A - and I ran outta beads. Anywho, this show "Tuckerville" was on - Tanya Tucker's got herself a reality show. She's put on a few pounds, but the only reason I haven't is the heroin. I was thinking of getting a reality show awhile back, but my life ain't real. And everyone's getting one now. I mean Brittany Spears?! Gawd, I caught part of that - she was talking about love. What does she know about love? Hulk Hogan? He seems pretty grumpy for a rich guy.

HERE is a video preview if you like. I have some "home movies" of us from a LONG time ago - I think I'd get sued if I posted them.

N.A. in N.O.

Hello y'all. I'm in the District drinking it up with the locals. As soon as I heard about Katrina I was on my way to do my part. That is helping the local economy by spending $ in the bars. I had me a gal named Katrina once and I know what kind of damage they can do. I don't know if this'll post - on some sort of satelite gizmo an "undisclosed" reporter gave me access too...I'm now drinkin' a julep for Meow Meow. SEND MINT!!

Gregory Despres

Gregory Despres
Originally uploaded by whitsun001.

Here's that freak.

Boots

Country Singer Fred Fulton beheaded. Click Here for article. I didn't know Fulton guy personally, but he was a brother-in-arms. I hope those Mounties give that Despres some hell, or send him there on an express.

The Hit Shit Fan

Goddammed fascists! Yeah, I'm drunk, but you can eat my a-hole. I try not to get political, but this W Admin is just getting too far out. Now people are killing judges. I'm not saying there's a connection, but shit. There are connections everywhere and everything is connected. I gave up the "manifesto" years ago - that Unibomber ruined everything and I got tired of the damn shed. You know they're just trying to screw us all, don't you? Manufacture a crises - create this massive deficit and then take away all our bennies. Give to the rich! Eat the Middle Class! Rights?! Shit. I can't sleep tonight! Is it a full moon? That Rummie ain't a werewolf, but I ain't so sure he ain't a freakin' zombie! Undead fascists! Who'd you sell your souls to?

More Tanya

Thanks for all the thousands of letters and cards. I admit I was out of sorts since hearing that Hunter S. was gone, but shit, I'll go the same way when the time comes if I have a choice. Let the wolves and buzzards have at me.

I recently heard that a former flame of mine, Tanya Tucker (see previous post) had to file a protection order against her former fiance, Jerry Laseter. He denied the allegations Friday, saying he never hit her nor had he ever been physically abusive in any way. She said in a written statement that she was awakened when Laseter poured "ice cold water on me and started yelling at me." She said he started poking her in the chest and grabbed her by the throat. A sheriff's deputy was called to the scene, but Tucker did not want to file charges. Tucker locked herself in a bathroom, and Laseter kicked in the door, according to the deputy's report.

Now I don't condone this stuff, but what the hell? Did he pull her hair too? You don't choke a lady, idiot! What kind of man are you? You better hope I don't run into you in a dark alley.

Hunter S.

Goodnight Hunter S. It was fun while it lasted.