Tanya

Man, that Tanya Tucker still looks good! I was checking her latest out and it got me to thinking...A long time ago when she was really young and had that smokey look in her eyes beyond her years, we were horseback riding at Hank Williams Sr.'s. There is nothing like riding a horse on a nice Summer day to get you all horned up, that's for sure. So after an hour of so of hard riding, taking turns chasing each other over the hills and through the trees, we stopped to let the horses take a drink - I needed one too. I always have a flask full of Jack handy, so I pulled that out. She took some pills with one hell of a swig and I knew the riding wasn't done. I slapped the horses to shew 'em - I have this thing about animals watching me having sex, it's creepy. Anywho, I grabbed her pill bottle and took a few myself, (she had the best doctors in more ways than three). We drained the flask then and there and I put my arms around her and held her close. We looked into each other's eyes for a little bit and then we went to toungue wranglin'. I ripped off her blouse and she tore open my shirt, the drugs and Jack started kicking in and I don't know what the hell happened to our pants. I do remember she never wore underwear, so she didn't have to keep track of them - some time back I gave up my collection anyway, what the hell am I going to do with all that women's underwear from my various conquests? A notch on the belt is cliched, but what the hell? I could'a made a killing if there was such a thing as Ebay back then. We tussled and wrestled. She bit and scratched. Who knows exactly what we did or how long we did it or how many times; we passed out at some point.

It must've been a few hours passed when I came to, and there was that damn horse of mine laughing his ass off, pissing in my boot. That Shitter. That was his name and he deserved it. Tanya was in the creek cleaning herself off. We all had a good laugh and then after finding our clothes we went back to Hank's to get baked. I had the best damned fried potatoes you ever tasted and some ham smokier than Tanya's eyes. I can taste the ham and her lips right now, like it was yesterday.

I don't have any scars from that day. Not on the outside anyway. Damn that girl could party...Did I write a song about her? Who didn't?